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INSIDE HOLLYWOOD By HerB Stein HOtLYWOOD Calif May 2 CREAM OP THE CROP There is a yarn concern ¬ ing Gregory Ratof f and his friendship with Darryl Zanuck A writ ¬ er was ribbing Ratoff about his loyalty to Zanuck I know there are people who arent faithful to Darryl said Ratoff but me I know that I owe everything to Zanuck If it wasnt for him I would be a bum He gave me the chance to become a director when no one would give me a job I owe everything to Zanuck The food Im eating the clothes Im wear ¬ ing the chair Im sitting in Its very nice to hear such appreciation said the script writer but I dont believe you would have been a bum If Zanuck hadnt given you the opportunity to become a director I think you would have become an agent Ratoff smiled Thats right I would have been an agent The best and biggest agent in Hollywood Id have my own business and Id have made over a million dollars What did I need Zanuck for Sidney Skolsky Joan Blondell on why shes particular about her TV appearances in 20 minutes you can make a fool of your ¬ self Erskine Johnson Dorothy Shay wonders if youve heard about the rich Texas witch who had alittle foreign broom Army Archerd ArcherdA A A A AANITA ANITA EKBERG tried an incognito stroll yeterday with the hair in a bandana and dark glasses bit But she made one mistake She wore a sweater Jim Hen aghan You heard maybe about the farmer who is experimenting with crossing an Idaho potato with a bath sponge He admits itll taste terrible but look at all the gravy it will hold Bill Kennedy Spike Jones knows a lad whose parents taught him so much about the birds and the bees hes now going steady with a spar ¬ row Mike Connolly Teacher in a Sherman Oaks school got a letter from a grumbling parent who complained about his sons associations If all Robert is learning at school wrote the parent is naughty words Ill keep him home and teach him myself Gene Sherman Red Skelton has worked in the theatre the movies radio and television Television is the roughest Red says because your competition is silence SkoLsky George Burns is recouping from bruises when he fell off an electric horse in the gym He sez it was an AC horse and Im used to DCs Archerd ArcherdA A A A AHAVE HAVE A REVISED version of the prov ¬ erb Money doesnt grow on trees but limbs have a way of attracting it Kennedy Reed Sherman describes a wealthy exhibitionist as a display boy Cobina Wright Jack Kelly who spent years making Hollywood forget that hes the ac ¬ torbrother of Nancy Kelly finally suc ¬ ceeded with a number of top roles Now people think hes the brother of Grace George E Phair When Jack Compse lides boniface of Jacks at the Beach was asked his opinion of the book The Man in the Gray Flannel Suit he quipped I didnt like the material Art Ryon Waitresses are using colored pencils more and more to figure checks because theres a widening trend among some customers to alter totals downward during busy meal hours Permanent coloring pencils make marks that cant be erased Sherman You cant tell what a person is thinking by looking at him says a psychologist And in many cases you cant tell what hes thinking by listening to him talk Olin Miller MillerA A A A AAS AS CHARLJE MCCARTHY sees it Marilyn Monroe gets all the right parts because shes got all the right parts Johnson Many a live wire says John Wayne would be a dead one except for his connections Wright Love Joe E Lewis line Money has no odor but pov ¬ erty stinks Archerd Medicines greatest stride in the last 20 years what used to be an itch is now an allergy Con ¬ nolly Type casting Charlton Heston who played President Andrew Jackson in The Presidents Lady will play Andy again in The Buccaneer It is easy to convince a candidate to run for a second secondterm term Phair Groucho Marx I dont dontblame blame Milton Berle for cutting down on his schedule you cant keep the money any ¬ way Im interested in doing a film based on The Magnificent Shysters by Richard Rovere Its about a couple of crooked law ¬ yers and would be great for Charley Laugh ton and myself But right next to my Shys ¬ ters book I have a book on tax rates and before I do a picture Ive got to figure out a way to keep the money from it some ¬ thing I havent been able to figure out yet Dave Kaufman Jimmy Starr says Its the little things that break aip mar ¬ riage little blondes little brunettes little redheads
