On The Broadway Scene, Daily Racing Form, 1959-05-06


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ON THE BROADWAY SCENE ByBurtBoyar NEW YORK, May 5. — HAND-DANDY SNOB KITS ! I am seriously thinking about marketing a few helpful little kits for peo ple who wish to impress other people. I may start with just two kits, one designed for Cafe Society Climbing and the other for Would-Be Actors and Actresses. Kit No. 1 would contain the following items and instructions : Two packs, genuine, brand new matches from El Morocco. Also two packs each from "21," The Colony and Le Pavilion. These are to be used as an indication that you go to the right places habitually. They are NOT to be squandered in dark places such as movie theatres or used in high winds where you might waste matches. A most effective use of these matches is as follows: Take a package of cigarettes from your pocket, light up with Big Name matches "and then, as though deeply engrossed in conversation, casually place cigarette package on table. Then, drop matches ON TOP where they can be plainly seen. Continue conversation. After matches have been seen by people you wish to im- press you must then "suddenly notice" that the Big Name matches are ostentatiously on top and casually slide them under pack or return them to pocket. This will convince people you are not a show off. It will also save wear and tear on match over. AAA One pair theatre ticket stubs stamped Opening Night. These are to casually fall from your purse while looking for something else. Ten nick-names of famous people, for dropping. One Stork Club lipstick to carry in ladies purse with other lipstick and instructions to remark, "Oh I dont care for this make but Sherman sent it over to the table yesterday at lunch." One certificate with name of press agent who will take certificate in payment for planting your name in a society column. When the item runs you must be sure to carry clipping with you and at every opportunity say bad things about columnist who ran it. This prevents people from thinking you are a publicity hound, and covers everybody you know who may have seen the paper that day. One Christian Dior label to be sewn into your wifes simple black dress from that cut rate shop near the grocery store. Also, labels from Mainbocher. Lavin-Castillo and Bergdorf -Goodman, as well as one label from Maximilian for wifes fur-piece, hitherto unidentified. Two sheets stationery and envelopes from St. Regis Hotel, Waldorf Towers and French Embassy in Washington D. C. Three luggage tags from Air France ONLY. Or, for non-fliers, Cunard and French Line stickers plus dirty cloth to rub off new look. One rubber stamp kit to fix up visa page in passport. Stamp kit covers every country in the world except those beyond Iron Curtain. One Cadillac emblem for key ring. AAA Kit No. 2 will vary only slightly to suit the requirements of Actors and Actresses who need "that little something extra." It will include: One letter of introduction to Valentine, the maitre d at Sardis who will remember to call you by name and make a point of calling you "to the telephone" when you are within ear-shot of important producer or director. One Standing Room ticket stub from Sweet Bird of Youth" to indicate proper worship for Tennessee Williams and Elia Kazan. Also proves sufficient devotion to theatre to be willing to stand up to see show. Kit No. 2 will also contain some of items in Kit No. 1.

Persistent Link: https://drf.uky.edu/catalog/1950s/drf1959050601/drf1959050601_2_3
Local Identifier: drf1959050601_2_3
Library of Congress Record: https://lccn.loc.gov/unk82075800