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wK liH ON THE BROADWAY SCENE by Bun Boyar NEW YORK, April 30.— TELEPHONIES: I am going to mend my ways. From now on if somebody calls me before noon I am not going to have my secretary lie and say, "Mr. Boyar stepped out.- I will have her tell the truth: "Mr. Boyar is sleeping." The only time I have ever been out before noon is on mornings when I havent come in yet. I often work until five or six in the morning and I will no longer be intimidated while I try to get a few hours sleep. There will be no more transparent lies at our number. My new "love me as I am" attitude is the. result of ridiculous replies I often hear on the telephone from other people. I have yet to call a small office and have an answering service pick up the call without trying to convince me that they are actually sitting there in the office. I couldnt care less, but they go through all the motions. "Just a moment, sir," says the operator, "Ill see if hes in." Before she clicks off I can hear her compatriots in the background answering other peoples phones. She then clicks me off and kills 30 seconds by chewing a little gum and filing her nails. I am almost positive now that my mans not in but I wait. Finally, the operator returns to me, confident that she had convinced me that she is not an answering service and that she is right there on the spot. AAA SHE: "Whos calling, please?" ME: ".This is Burt Boyar. Is he in?" SHE: Ignores question "Did you say Bayer?" ME I ignore her question "Is he in?" SHE: shrewdly "What is your first name, Mr. Bayer?" ME: "Burt Boyar, not Bayer." SHE: "Bogar? Mr. Kirk Bogar? Where are you from, Mr. Bogar?" ME: patiently "Burt— BOYAR!" SHE: "Im sorry, Mr. Bomar, we have a bad connection, I guess." ME: "Now look Miss, its not Bomar, or Bogar of Bayer. Its Boyar, Burt as in Burt Lancaster and Boyar like Charles Boyer. But that isnt really important. All I want to know is if the man Im calling is in. Thats all I want." SHE: "What is your phone number, Mr. Lancaster?" ME: almost in tears "If this is an answering service then, please tell me; he is not in. Am I correct?" SHE: "If you will give me your phone number I will have him call you back." This can go for hours. Usually I just say, "Never mind," and hang up, in which case the man I was calling will receive a message which reads, "Gentleman called. Refused name." AAA ALMOST AS evasive as the answering services are the private secretaries who protect ad men and television executives. "Hes in a meeting" is theirs and theirs alone, no matter where he happens to be. "In a meeting" covers everything from an appointment with the barber, drinks at the Yale Club or a steam bath at the gym. An executive has never "not come in yet." He I can never, never "still be at home," "at his : daughters graduation," or just "taking a day off." The only place he can be if he is not "in a meeting" is "watching a screening" or "out of town." If he is out of town nine out of 10 times his secretary will tell you he cannot be reached. This is not because he seeks privacy. Hed welcome a voice from home at his lonely hotel. But he cannot be reached because there are | no telephones on a golf course. Sometimes they are "out to lunch." But if the lunch gets a little longer than the rules allow then suddenly, without stepping foot in the office he has performed the magical trick of "Yes sir, he returned, but he was late for a meeting and went right into it."
